


Fear Is An Illusion

by TheAngelofFate



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Aftermath of Twilight of the Apprentice, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Kanan has his sight back because I want him to, Kanan is a space dad and nothing more to Ezra, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Was it a Vision or was it a Nightmare?, i can not even stress enough that this is purely platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 11:15:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7974829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAngelofFate/pseuds/TheAngelofFate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kanan's fears are more severe then he's letting on about. He wants so desperately for everything to be okay, he wants his family to be okay. The fear of something happening to them or to Ezra— it's too much for Kanan to bare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm amazed how fast I'm writing these Kanan and Ezra stories, like HOW do I have so many ideas for these two dorks and why is it so easy to envision them being father and son? 
> 
> *whispers* Because they are ^v^!
> 
> P.S: I love how much Kanan cares about Ezra, I like how you can see when exactly Kanan stopped thinking that Ezra was just an annoying kid and started loving him like his own child, they developed such a sweet and amazing bond. And I am a sucker for cute and adorable bonds such as a dork space dad and his blueberry son.

"Ezra..." Kanan said gently to his young Padawan, he chanced a step forward even when he saw the boy pull out an Red Lightsaber and held it to his throat, still he did not back down. "Ezra, _please_." He found himself begging as he gazed into Ezra's now piercing yellow eyes. The teens whole appears changed drastically, with his all black outfit and and red Saber. But it was his eyes, those cold emotionless eyes and blank face that hurt Kanan the most.

He failed, he knew he did. Even though he accepted that he couldn't protect Ezra forever, from himself not the call of the Dark Side, but seeing it face to face, looking at his dear student and seeing what he's become because _**he**_ failed to teach him properly was the absolute _worst_ feeling in all of the universe. "I'm so sorry, Ezra. I failed you, I know that and I'm so sorry." He reached out and touched the boy on the cheek, on the scar below his left eye, the first scar he received from the result of war, that moment felt so long ago compared to the moment in front of him.

He rubbed the darkened skin with his thumb, hoping— _praying_ that his student, his Padawan, the one that he took in and grew to care for _**so much**_ was still in there somewhere. Slowly, he brought his other hand up and rested it on Ezra's shoulder, he gave it a squeeze and looked the boy in the eyes, all the while he felt like his heart was breaking.

Then Ezra took a deep breathe and let it out through his nose. "Kanan... I'm sorry." And for a second, one _glorified_ second Kanan thought that he saw those eyes flashed blue. Hope continued to rise within his chest when he witnessed the Saber disappear and Ezra move forward.

Arms wrapped around him and for once in a very long time Kanan felt like everything was okay, where he felt as though he was back in those days where he first met Ezra and he began training him and how he bonded with the boy so quickly, how stronger their connection became as Ezra grew older, and how they were all the weirdest bunch of misfits in the whole galaxy but none of that really mattered because they were a family.

And Kanan found himself clinging to Ezra, to that hope and wished that everything could go back to how things use to be. He knew that such thoughts and wishes were childish but in this moment, _right here_ as he tried to get that teen he raised, Kanan really didn't care. "I'm so sorry." He said as tears pooled in his eyes and blurred his vision. "I love you, I'm sorry!" 

He felt Ezra hug him tighter, running a hand through his former Master's hair. "It's alright, Kanan. What happened wasn't your fault." The teenager said and the voice sounded like how Ezra use to sound; all goofy and talked a big game and Kanan couldn't help but feel so happy about that. Happy to have the old Ezra back, to have _his_ Ezra back.

"This was my choice."

But before he could ask what that meant Kanan felt the horrendous pain of being stabbed with a thousand knives dipped in lava.

It was nothing but pain—

It was **_agony_** —

Scorching, heart stopping agony—

Kanan jolted, a sound that was between a gasp and a choked scream left his lips, he was trembling. His gasps were long and ragged as sweat rolled down his forehead. _Dream, just a damn dream..._ He thought trying to catch his breathe and calm his heart rate. An image from his nightmare flashed in his mind and it made Kanan flinch and fear blossomed within his heart.

"Kanan?" A voice ask behind him, it was Hera and she sounded concerned, sympathetic. "What's wrong, love?"

Kanan inhaled gently and let it out through hitched puffs of air. "I'm fine, Hera. Can you go get Ezra for me?" He asked still shaking from his nightmare, eyes still closed, hoping she wouldn't pressure him to tell the truth. She nodded, understanding completely and he absolutely loved her for that.

Quietly, she walked away to get his student. When she returned, it seemed that Ezra had felt his Master's fear for himself as he could feel the boy's concern coming off him in waves. "Kanan?" Ezra said softly, and Kanan felt like he could almost relaxed, but he had to be sure...

"Sit." He said as gestured for his Padawan to come closer. When he felt the boy sit in front of him, that was when he raised his shaking hands and placed them both on Ezra's cheeks. Slowly, he opened his eyes and saw that they weren't that horrible tint of yellow.

They were still that deep dark colored blue, that color of innocence and smiles and everything that made Ezra— _Ezra_ , and seeing them that wonderful shade of electric blue meant so _much_ to Kanan, knowing that Ezra wasn't evil filled his heart with such relief that it caused his vision to blur and he laughed wetly.

"Kanan, what's wrong?" Ezra inquired and Kanan felt the boy's concern grow and he reached out within the Force to calm his student as he looked into those blue eyes with his teal green ones.

"Nothing," Kanan whispered out as he leaned his forehead against Ezra's and closed his eyes once more, letting the fact that they were both safe and _good_ on the inside and out sink in. "Nothing's wrong, my Padawan." Images of an Ezra with a dark robe and Red Lightsaber popped into his mind once again but he forced them away, but not before he wrapped an arm around his student's shoulders and held him tightly. "Just a nightmare, I'm fine now."

And once again through their bond it was as if Ezra was able to see what Kanan's nightmare was about for then it was the boy that began shaking, tears filled those blue eyes and Ezra scooted even closer to his Master and buried his face in his neck and cried. He clung to Kanan and Kanan clung to Ezra, both feeling so much relief from receiving and giving the comfort that they both desperately needed right now.

"I-I know you can see again and I know this Rebellion is turning around for us... But Kanan— I'm _scared_. The Sith Holocron... I can hear it call to me— I don't want to turn Dark. I don't want to become something I'm not, I don't want to you to die, _not ever_. Not by my own hands." And Kanan couldn't help but stiffen at those words, he could feel the boy's fear mix in with his own. Realizing just then that he, himself, isn't the only one who has had this nightmare before.

A lump grew in his throat as he felt the dread that his student wasn't out of the grasp of the Dark Side just yet and that realization made his heart drop into his stomach, his trembles started up again and Ezra trembled just as violently.

Gently, he hugged his boy tighter. "I know," His voice thick with emotion as he ran his fingers through the teenager's blue hair. "I know, but everything is going to be okay, Ezra. Fate wouldn't have brought the two of us together if it didn't think we could win this war." He said trying to convince himself of this as well as his Padawan. "I promise you, I will be here with you _**always**_. I'm not going to die, not by you or Maul or Vader. You and I will fight, _together_. As Jedi Master and Padawan. Like we always do."

And Ezra cried and Kanan cried silently along with him, holding each other so tightly as their pain and fear mixed together through their connection, through their bond as Jedi and Padawan. Then as the sun began to set and the rest of their family stood a few feet behind them, watching, offering silent support.

Kanan and Ezra prayed for the war to be over soon, together they hoped that their beloved family would make it out of this alive, even if the two of them didn't.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As much as Ezra embracing the Dark Side would hurt Kanan— and it would HURT him. It's nothing compared to Kanan's fear of losing Ezra to death itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 as promised! 
> 
> More Kanan hurt/comfort because I can't get enough of hurting him emotionally but then wrapping him in a blanket of love and easing his mind that his boy is going to be okay (I hope so at least)

This was only suppose to be a simple recon mission that's all. A simple sneak into to an enemy base, collect their Intel and get out without being seen, **_simple_**. And that's what it started as, everything was going fine, they got inside the control center retrieved the information as requested by Commander Sato and was making their way out when— Kanan fell to his knees as the feeling of total and abrupt feeling of utter pain washed over his body and made his vision blacken —just as it was back when he was blinded by Maul— he couldn't see for a few seconds and when it cleared and his ears stopped ringing, Kanan saw the chaos going on around him.

 _"Spectre 6 is down!"_ Hera's voice cut through the explosions and blaster fire. But Kanan didn't need to be told what happened to his Padawan, he already knew because he felt it happened and it hurt and it scared him to think of Ezra going through something like that.

 _"Karablast! Their trying to take the kid away!"_ Zeb's voice sounded a mix between angry and scared, something that Kanan couldn't blame him for, they all knew the impact Ezra had on the Ghost crew, sure they were find in the beginning— great even, but Ezra made everything better.

Standing on shaky legs Kanan used the aid of the Force to locate his student, and _yes_ his eyesight wasn't as it once was and  yes he stopped using a blaster because of it, but thanks to that unknown Emerald Spirit he meet, Kanan Jarrus could see again. It doesn't matter if reading was harder to do now or that he had to _**really**_ focus when it came to seeing farther in distance or that even his eyes sometimes hurt, went blurry on occasion and felt like he was straining them. He wasn't blind anymore, he could see and now right he was seeing his injured Padawan being dragged away by Storm Troopers.

Then the Jedi felt something within the Force, it was faint and it was in pain and it was _dying_ from it's injuries. It was Ezra, calling out for help, and all at once he felt himself flashing back to the first time he witness someone die, to his friend Stance. " _Ezra!_ " Kanan called out, not even bothering to use the boy's codename anymore. His heart was beating so loud he could hear it in his ears as he bolted forward, trying his best to dodge all the blaster fire and Troopers directing their attention on him.

"Hold Jedi!" One of the Troopers that was holding Ezra called out threateningly as he held a Blaster is the boy's temple and Kanan skidded to a stop. "Come any closer and your apprentice is as good as dead." The Trooper twisted Ezra's arm hard that to hear a sickening _crack_ of bone and Ezra cried out in agony.

Witnessing Stance die was the first time Caleb Dume wanted to kill someone out of rage, however this was the first time Kanan Jarrus has ever used his anger as a weapon, as a means to hurt someone. But seeing his Padawan in pain, and someone that he was suppose to be protecting, someone that he wasn't only suppose to be a mentor to but also a parent— a guardian to look after him since the boy's parents couldn't, Kanan lost it.

He let himself fall into a state of complete calmness and anger all at the same time, much like he did when he thought he lost Ezra to the hands of the Inquisitor. He pulled out his Lightsaber and he charged forward with such speed that not even the Troopers saw what was coming until they fell to the floor unconscious. Putting away his Saber he knelt down towards Ezra, gently he held the seventeen year old in his arms, trying to be careful of his wounds as he checked for a pulse. Dread filled him when he felt that there was none. Absolutely nothing, no heart beat, no breathing, _nothing_.

 _No. No no!_ He thought franticly, as he flashed back to the deaths of Stance and his dear Master. Even after all these years their deaths still _**hurt**_ him so much. _I can't lose Ezra too! I can't! Not him!_ His vision blurred but this time it wasn't because of his straining eye sight. Kanan tried desperately to apply CPR to the boy as well as try and stop the bleeding from Ezra's injuries to his chest, torso and leg... but it wasn't working.

 _"Spectre 1 report, how is Spectre 6!?"_ Hera's voice broke through his desperate attempts to revive his Padawan.

"Hera— he's... Ezra— He's not breathing!" Never before has he ever panicked around his Crew and especially not during a mission, but saying those words aloud just made everything that much more real to Kanan, because Ezra **_wasn't_** breathing and he was in fact dead— a choked noise that came out of nowhere made him jump, seconds later Kanan realized that the noise had come from himself as tears ran down his cheeks. He placed hand against his eyes and bit his lower lip, his shoulders shaking. He hasn't lost control of his emotions to this degree in over sixteen years.

Then a Blaster fire made him abruptly duck his head, "Focus your attention on the Jedi Knight!" A Trooper yelled towards the others that were fighting Zeb and Sabine and other members of their Fleet. "And take the corpse of his Padawan!"

 _None of you will take him from me!_ He clutched Ezra in his arms protectively, no one was taking Ezra away. No one. 

 _"Kanan, move!"_ His family yelled at him, simultaneously.

 _"Leave him!"_ One of the Fleet Pilots screamed at him in his ear and he froze. He left Master Billaba and she died, he ran like a coward. He refused to do the same with his own Padawan!

A surge of rage along with other mixed emotions erupted from him as Kanan bowed his head and screamed, "NO!" And then everything went silent, but he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings. All his focus was on the teenager in his arms, for by some miracle Ezra may not be breathing but somehow Kanan could still sense his Force energy, it was so **very** weak— almost barely there but Kanan felt it nonetheless. "Ezra..." His voice quivered as he said his student's name. "Please, wake up. I can't do this without you." He was so unaware of his surroundings that he didn't hear Hera walk up next to him until she laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Kanan, love. There's still time to save him but we have to get out of here." Her voice soothing all the while trying her very best to keep her emotions in check, as the thought of losing their youngest member made her almost loose it too.

Kanan nodded, he stood up on shaky legs still holding Ezra securely in his arms. And one by one they each got a board the _Ghost_ and entered hyperspace and meet with the rest of the Phoenix Rebels, once there Commander Sato ordered Ezra to be taken to the medical bay immediately and that failure to save the boy's life was not an opinion. Kanan tried to be in the medical bay but the medics refused to let any of them inside, just like they did with Hera when she was injured.

But unlike his Crew who was waiting by the medical door, Kanan had choose to retreat to his room on the _Ghost_ , he sank to the floor as the guilt set in. Even though he knew there was nothing he could have done, that none of this was truly his fault, he still felt guilty. Right now, his Padawan was in critical condition and what was he doing? Running away so that if Ezra does pass then Kanan wouldn't have to witness it like he did his own Master.

He could still feel Ezra's body in his arms and the strong scent of blood— he swallowed the bile that rose in his throat and made his eyes sting. _I can't lose him too. Please... I can't._ Kanan pleaded to the Force as he wrapped his arms around his knees. 

"And you won't, Caleb Dume." A voice suddenly spoke out in front of him, making him jump. Looking up he saw— his blood froze over as his eyes widened.

Standing before him was Depa Billaba.

"M-Master?"

She smiled at him, he could still feel the care and kindness she had for him. "Hello, my Padawan." Depa said gently as she placed a hand on his temple and Kanan found himself leaning into it. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. "Am I going crazy?" He had to be for him to be seeing his dead Master.

Master Depa laughed, running a hand through his brown hair. "No, my dear. You are not crazy. The Force has allowed me to see you in your time of need." God, he missed her, she took the place of the mother he never knew about.

He missed how things use to be before Order 66 was initiated and his world crumbled at his feet. "I'm so sorry, Master. I failed you, I abandoned you. I'm sorry..." He felt like a child again, even at 30 years old he cried for the Master he had lost so young in his life.

And she held him, her slender fingers running through his ponytail as he let his emotions of guilt and anger flow through him like water. "Oh Caleb, do not apologize, I asked you to run because I feared for your safety, I asked you to flee because I knew that I would not make it out alive and I cared for you too much and I didn't wish for you to die along with me. A Padawan is _meant_ to outlive their old Masters, Caleb. Not to die along with them, especially at such a young age." Master Depa murmured softly to Kanan, placing her forehead against his own.

"My only regret is seeing how long you've struggled with this guilt of my death, struggled with the anger at Grey and Styles for what they did and struggled with being alone." Master Depa said as she let go just enough to look at Kanan's tear stricken face and smiled. "However I am happy that you have again found your place in the universe, not only have you matured and fight for the sake of others lives but you have a Crew— a family who cares about you. And, my dear Caleb." She paused and gave him a loom of pure fondness and pride. "You have a Padawan of your own."

Kanan's heart surged, and the guilt came back stronger then ever because he completely forgot about Ezra. "But not for long, Master Depa— _he's dying!_ " And now he was crying for Ezra and the fear of losing him too. His Master stroked his hair and gently shushed him. "Hush now and breathe. As I said before, you shall not lose him. The Force and myself will not allow for you to lose someone that important to you." Depa stated determinedly as she stood up. "But you must help him find his way back."

"What do you mean, Master?" Kanan asked as he scrambled to his feet, was it possible? Was Ezra truly not going to die?

She simply smiled at him, placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze before pulling it away. "You shall see, _Kanan Jarrus_. You shall see."

His eyes widened when his Master said his name, not the name he was born with, no not Caleb, but his new name, his clean slate: Kanan. "Master? How did you know that name?" Master Depa chuckled and tried to hide her smile with her finger like she use to do before her death. "Oh, Padawan, how I am so glad you still have your inquisitive mind. Never lose it." She ordered and he nodded without hesitation, obeying her words just as he had done all those years ago.

And right before his eyes he witness her fading away, she was leaving him again. But unlike before Kanan didn't feel haunted, he felt... at peace. "Master, I know you probably know this but I'm going to miss you."

"I do know you'll miss me, Kanan. And I shall miss you just the same. But remember what you told young Ezra as you comforted him about his parents: I am alive within your heart. Always." Her voice but a mere distorted echo now.

Kanan blinked hard and Depa Billaba was gone. He stood there for a moment, trying to let everything that he witnessed moments ago sink in, he had gotten to talk to his master once again, he had gotten the closure he needed to forgive himself and his past mistakes.

"Kanan!" Frantic banging on his door cut through his thoughts, " _Kanan!_ " Hera yelled as the banging continued. Immediately he opened it, he was met with Hera's concerned expression. "It's Ezra." She gasped out of breathe. "They medics were able patch him up and restart his heart but it's been severely damaged and it keeps dropping." Two tears fell down her face as her emotions were catching up to her. "They said if this keeps up he won't make it."

And his body was moving before he even realized it and even when he did it just made him run even faster. _No no, Ezra's fine. Master Depa said he'd be okay, she promised._ But then she had promised many things, and never kept them regardless of how hard she tried. When he arrived at the medical bay he pushed past Zeb and Sabine and barged inside the room where they were keeping his boy. And at the sight of Ezra, Kanan almost felt his own heart stop, the kid even looked worse then he had before with all those bandages that covered his body. He walked over to his Padawan, faintly he could hear the loud beeping of the teen's heart monitor going off loudly as his heart stopped again.

Kneeling on the floor, he grabbed the kid's hand with both of his and secured it in a tight grip. "I know you can hear me, you can always hear me— that's how our connection works." He laughed despite how tight his chest felt, like someone was squeezing it. "I never thought you and I would be so close considering how we first met, but we are." He placed his forehead against Ezra's hand and tried not to shudder at how cold it was. "Which is why I need you to open your eyes, a Padawan is not suppose to die before their Jedi Master, you need to out live me. That is how it goes... So please— Wake up, I can't — none of us can do this without you, Ezra." The tears cascaded easily down his cheeks when there was no response as the heart break set in.

 _You must help him find his way back._ His Master's words echoed in his mind, surely it couldn't be— Taking a deep breathe, Kanan closed his eyes, cleared his thoughts and let his mind flow into the Force, he concentrated on Ezra's energy, he let the connection between the two of them guide him to his Padawan and when he found him Kanan opened his eyes and saw nothing. Nothing but blackness all around him then as his eyes adjusted to the darkness he saw Ezra a few feet away, the boy was being engulfed in a black aura, curled up in a ball.

He bolted forward without a second thought, _"Ezra!"_ He shouted as he reached his hand out but Kanan was flung back by the pulsating energy of the darkness. But that wasn't going to stop him from getting to his Padawan, quickly he jumped back onto his feet and fought against the aura that was threatening to take Ezra with it as it began to fade away. _"Ezra! It's okay! I'm here!"_ He called out as he traveled inch by inch to his student.

 _"I won't let this take you away, you're still needed back home, we can't win this war without you!"_ The dark orb grew even bigger but Kanan still trudged on like he was walking through snow.

 _"I know you're tired, you want to let go because the pain is too much to bare but please_ don't _Ezra."_ His heart started aching, but he didn't know if he was feeling his own sorrow for the boy he took in and loved or if he was feeling Ezra's but Kanan, nonetheless was able to make it in front of the orb, extending his arm the Jedi reached for the teen, _"Everyone is waiting for you to wake up, they all care about you— and I know that I don't say it enough, but you know I care about you too right? Y-You have to know that right? That I need you with me and not just because of this war right?" _ Because he did cared, they both cared about each other, and Ezra knew that.

But nothing he said seemed to be working, for the boy was still fading away, so _**so**_ very close to dying, and Kanan couldn't bare it, _"EZRA!"_ He yelled as he clawed through the rest of the aura that felt like he was moving through tar and grabbed onto Ezra's arm tightly and yanked the boy out of the darkness, falling onto his back Kanan held on to Ezra unwilling to let go any time soon as he let out a sigh of relief.

Then Kanan blinked and he was back in the medical bay, he looked around and everyone was staring at him looking completely confused, then Ezra's heart monitor leveled out and began beeping steadily as it stabilized. Abruptly, Ezra's body gave a jolt forward causing everyone to jump out of shock, the boy started coughing and wheezing as his body moved into flight and fight mode. Kanan moved, placed both hands on the teen's shoulders. "Easy, Ezra. Breathe, everything is fine."

"K-Kanan?" Ezra gasped out, trying to air into his lungs as he clinched a hand towards his chest. "Wha-What happened?"

"You took a bad hit from a Stormtrooper, you stopped breathing, you almost _died_ —" Kanan stopped himself from saying anymore, not wanting to scare the kid. "But you're okay now," The tears came then as he realized that **_yes_** Ezra was going to be alright. "Y-You're okay now." He embraced Ezra out of no where before the boy could for a sentence, careful to mind his injuries as he clung to Ezra.

"Kanan—?"

"I really thought I'd lost you there, but you're here, you're safe." He felt Ezra wrap his good arm around his waist and held on, his body shaking.

"I remember wanting to let go, I was so tired but then I heard you calling to me, I was dying, but you— you pulled me back?"

Kanan nodded, as his vision blurred and he tightened his hold on Ezra just a little. "That's what I'm here for, buddy. I'm your guardian, it's my job to look after you and worry about your safety."

"Lik-Like a father?"

The comment almost had Kanan reeling, but he smiled through wet, joyful tears that dripped down his face, feeling the most happy he has felt in a long time. "Yeah, exactly like a father, Ezra." He could feel the boy's happiness mix with his own as the rest of Ghost crew joined in the embrace.

 _"Kanan?"_ Ezra's voice appeared inside his mind.

 _"Yes?"_ He asked, feeling so content.

_ "Thank you for caring about me, for saving me." _

As he ran a hand through the kid's short hair, Kanan found himself smiling.

_ "Anytime, Ezra. Always." _

* * *

 

_Two weeks later:_

It took a lot of bed rest and various members of the Phoenix squadron watching him like a loth-cat so he wouldn't try to escape again, but soon Ezra's injuries healed and the medics _finally_ allowed him to exit the medical bay. Ezra was relieved to be out of there, the constant questions on his health and pain level were starting to get on his nerves. With nothing to do, he went to go find his crew and see how they were doing seeing as he barely saw any of them during his recovery —except for Kanan— but soon found that they were doing various small missions for Commander Sato, who was happy to see he made a full recovery, Sato told him that they only one who choose to stay behind was Kanan.

This information didn't surprise Ezra at all because ever since he woke up two weeks ago he found that his Master has been more protective, showing in little ways how much he cared about him by being by his side more then he has ever been, and honestly Ezra wasn't bothered by it, in fact this new openly affectionate Kanan felt nice, made him feel safe. Kanan said that it was his job to look after him because he was his guardian now, and Ezra fully accepted that, and though he still loved his own father Ezra was glad that he had Kanan there along side him.

Making his way to the Phoenix resting quarters, he found Kanan there siting in the middle of the room, meditating. He smiled, "Mind if I join you?"

If his Master was surprised by his presence, he didn't he didn't show it. Kanan laughed and opened his eyes, "Of course," He said before getting up. "But I have been thinking about it lately and I decided to teach a new Jedi form once you fully recovered..." He paused as he looked at Ezra, carefully. "Are you feeling up to it?"

Ezra nodded without hesitation, "Never been more ready!" Excitement bubbled in his chest, sure they've sparred in the past, Kanan teaching him how to fighting using the moves that he taught himself, but never has he choose to teach Ezra an actual Jedi form. Kanan chuckled and ruffled his hair as he walked over. "Well, let's get started."

The form Ezra learned was slow and precise, nothing like the other moves Ezra has learn over the past three years. In fact this move was so unlike Kanan's style of fighting that he wondered— "Hey, Kanan?" Ezra asked as they slide into the next set of movements.

"What is it?"

"Did your Master teach you this form?" Kanan's eyes widened at the question but he didn't loose focus or seemed sad like he usually did when Ezra asked about Master Depa.

"Yes, she taught me this move when I was fourteen."

Ezra decided to keep going with his questions now that he had his Master actually talking. "What... was she like?" Kanan took in a deep breathe before letting it out, a small smile on his face. "She was strict, sometimes she had the knack to neglect my own training as a Jedi, but when she did teach me I learned quickly and she was proud of that, she also loved that I asked a lot of questions, an 'inquisitive mind' she called it." His master laughed, most likely recalling a memory, before continuing, "She was kind, always willing to help those in need, regardless of the danger and she was so _very_ wise, she always was able to inspire me and others to do good and be better."

Ezra mimicked Kanan's next stance, his Lightsaber tight in his grasp. "Did... she love you?"

Kanan paused for a moment, lowering his Saber and smiling, "She cared deeply about her Clone Troopers that were under her command, about the galaxy and the lives of the innocent caught in the middle of a war— yes, she loved me. Like all Masters care about their Padawans." Ezra felt embarrassed for his next question because he already knew the answer to it but—

"All Masters?" He said as he bowed his head turning off his own Saber, not noticing the look of surprise in Kanan's face. Arms wrapped around him then, holding him close. "Yes, _all_ Masters." Kanan stated truthfully. "I care, Ezra. Never doubt that for a second." Ezra returned his Master embrace and buried his face in Kanan's shoulder. Words escaping from his mouth before he what he was saying, "I-I love you, Kanan."

 _Thank you, thank you for caring about me, for being there for me._ Ezra thought happily, so eternally grateful for Kanan's kindness.

He felt his master smile again as the arms wrapped around his back tightened and stroked his hair. "I love you too, son. Never forget that."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to give Kanan some closure for what happened when he was a kid and him losing Master Depa Billaba. Him running away and watching her die without him by her side deeply haunts him, to the point where he doesn't want to think about her again. And that breaks my heart.
> 
> Master Depa is Space Grandma. She clearly loves Kanan and I feel that she would love Ezra too. 
> 
> Anyway please leave a comment on what you thought on this chapter and I'll see you all soon!


End file.
